"Managing ADHD = Managing Practical Matters = Stronger Relationships." Ari Tuckman, PsyD
What is ADHD?
- Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder is a lifelong, neurodevelopmental condition.
- It affects executive functioning: attention, impulse control, self-regulation, and time management.
- ADHD is not just a childhood issue, it impacts adults and their relationships, too.
- Low Dopamine (& Norepinephrine) Levels
- Cause inconsistency in motivation and performance on certain tasks
Common Signs in Adults
- Distractibility, disorganization, forgetfulness
- Poor time management, impulsivity, talking over others
- Difficulty finishing tasks or making decisions
- Rejection sensitivity: overthinking, worrying, emotional reactions
Relationship Impact
Partner with ADHD may feel:
- Overwhelmed
- Different
- Shame
- Fear of failure
- Unloved
Non-ADHD partner may feel:
- Ignored
- Emotionally blocked
- Exhausted
- Confused
Common Dynamic: Over-Functioner vs. Under-Functioner: A frequent pattern where one partner takes over responsibilities while the other avoids or forgets, fueling resentment and burnout.
Healthy Relationship Strategies
- Accept the diagnosis as a team
- Externalize the problem: "You are not the problem, the problem is the problem."
- Improve communication and conflict resolution skills
- Respectfully give and receive reminders to each other
- Practice grace, humor, and structure
Tools That Help
- Emotional support and mutual understanding
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
- Executive functioning skills
- Communication strategies
Lifestyle and Medical to Improve Functioning
- Quality dopamine boosts: nature, exercise, music, prayer, creativity, movement
- Quality sleep
- Use family calendars, analog clocks to "see time", and visual systems
- Balanced nutrition
- Supplements: Omega 3, Zinc, vitamin B, vitamin D, and Magnesium
- Consider ADHD medications (stimulants or non-stimulants), talk with your doctor
The Reward of Quality Dopamine
Here is a list of suggestions for a beneficial dopamine rush: Taking walks in nature, traveling, spending time with family and friends, creativity, eating dark chocolate, listening to music, sunlight exposure, achieving goals, watching a sunrise or sunset, touch and hugs, finishing a project, petting a cat or dog, and meditation / prayer / singing... just to name a few!
References: Peg Dawson, Ed.D, Russell A. Barkley, Ph.D, Ari Tuckman, Psy.D
This article is for general information and is not a substitute for individual clinical advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you are in crisis, call 911 or dial 988.
